I visit the zoo.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Visitor: So, about this "Mars Needs Terrorists" by K. Silem Mohammad: are you ready?

Koala: Colon!

Mynah: Dot!

Koala: Colon!

Mynah: Dot!

Koala: Colon!

Mynah: Dot!

Koala: Colon!

Mynah: Dot!

Koala: Colon!

Koala and Mynah: Flarf!

Visitor: OK, I think you're ready. How about you capuchins?

Capuchins: I'm afraid we're a little behind.

Mynah: You are many little behinds.

Capuchins: But we've done a bit of research and found that the first 12 lines were all cadged from two web pages. Very flarfy pages.

Mynah: Do tell.

Capuchin 1: One is "horny boy's Journal," in which a San Francisco college boy (said "horny boy") tells stories about his sexual encounters and the times he got to see celebrities (because his mom is in the business). This "horny boy" says stuff like "I felt like I was in Eden, yet, as in Louisville, we never even fucked."

Capuchin 2: We feel a kinship with this boy.

Capuchin 3: "Instantaneously I squirted into the air like a wild garden hose, making quite a mess."

Capuchin 4: "Twice she brought me to the brink of orgasm by delicate touch alone, then barely touched each testicle simultaneously to send me squirting uncontrollably all over myself and her."

Capuchin 5: "While I tried to navigate the traffic approaching the Golden Gate Bridge, she played with me until I squirted all over the car and myself."

Capuchin 6: "I squirted about five feet, all over a painting above the headboard. I hope that it wasn't a Great Master. LOL!"

Capuchin 7: Then we got down to business. Our "horny boy" was the source for line 5 and lines 8-12.

Capuchin 8: But the source for lines 1-4 and 6-7 disappointed us.

Capuchin 9: It's some other damned poet, a guy named Mark Peters.

Capuchin 10: No squirting.

Capuchin 11: None to speak of, anyway.

Capuchin 12: So we moved on to the last two lines. They come from the track listings for a couple of albums. Mohammad must have been looking for something to do with "Republican" and "battle" when he hit a track listing for a Michelle Malone record ("6, Inside Out of Here (3:26), 7, Battle Him Republican (3:47)") that made line 13, and looking for "Teenagers From Mars" when he found a track listing for a Misfits record ("8.we are 138 9.teenagers") that became line 14.

Capuchin 13: And that's it. The first stanza.

Koala and Mynah: Flarf!

Visitor: OK, let's hear the first stanza!

:.:.:.:.: alien parasites
:.:.:.:.: alien slave ship survivors
:.:.:.:.: alien teenagers in 1950s Florida, sex
:.:.:.:.: terror and destruction, terror
:.:.:.:.: designed to part dumbass teenagers
:.:.:.:.: some now very wet
:.:.:.:.: romantic, the republican
:.:.:.:.: told me of their terror
:.:.:.:.: outfit for ?I?ma slave
:.:.:.:.: a fundraiser for Republican
:.:.:.:.: and wet buns contest
:.:.:.:.: parents talking about sex
:.:.:.:.: of here 7.battle him republican 8
:.:.:.:.: 8.we are 138 9.teenagers

Visitor: I like the way you say colon, koala.


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